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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842300">ballet for a blood brother</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrush/pseuds/dontrush'>dontrush</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a quadrille for june [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Gen, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Canon, Trans Female Character, background davekat, i mean it mostly is but this takes place before the meat/candy split and has june in it so uh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:36:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontrush/pseuds/dontrush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Coming out as trans in your mid-twenties can be difficult. Especially if it’s the first time. Especially if it’s to your best bro’s maybe-probably-boyfriend. ESPECIALLY if he had an unrequited alien hate crush on you when you were both teens. </p>
<p>So why on Earth-C is June coming out to Karkat first?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>John Egbert &amp; Karkat Vantas, June Egbert &amp; Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>a quadrille for june [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718023</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>ballet for a blood brother</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="ao3">This is a terrible plan. Your name is (recently) June Egbert, and those words echo in your head as you struggle to fit down the chimney of the Vantas-Strider household. At times, your entire life has felt like a series of terrible plans. Playing SBURB for your friends, retconning the timeline for Terezi, even whatever the hell Vriska had you doing, all of those old you’s were just an iron in the fire for someone else more ambitious.</p>
<p>	This is a terrible plan. You repeat this to yourself like a zen master’s mantra as you attempt to use the windy thing to push yourself down the chimney. The wind comes out stronger than you wanted, dislodging a brick that bonks you on the head as you finally push yourself down into the Casa del Knight-Bros.</p>
<p>	This is a terrible plan. You smile at the thought as you rub the sore spot on the back of your head. You’re still smiling as you brush the ash off yourself in someone else’s living room. You’re smiling because unlike all the times before, this is YOUR terrible plan. </p>
<p>	And it’s gonna go GREAT.	</p>
<p>	You make your way into the living room, where the troll you are looking for is seated on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. He appears to be watching the Troll Tom Hanks romantic comedy “You’ve Got Mail” by himself. </p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="john"> JUNE: hey karkat! </span>
</p>
<p>	Popcorn flies everywhere as the Knight of Blood flails wildly, doing some kind of triple salchow off the handle at the sudden noise. When the cloud of salt and butter clears, Karkat is staring mouth agape at his unexpected guest. You continue to pretend that people don’t get mad when you break into their homes as you address your longtime friend.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: how’s it going, bud?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OH NO YOU DON’T.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU DON’T JUST ZAP INTO MY LOCKED RESPITEBLOCK UNINVITED AFTER NOT TALKING TO ME FOR LITERAL SWEEPS AND CALL ME YOUR BUD LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU’VE GOT SOME FUCKING EXPLAINING TO DO, EGBERT.</span></p>
<p>You can feel all that bravado you had built up starting to collapse. Of course you don’t deserve to talk to your friends after the way you’ve treated them, by, uh, not talking to them. You wonder if your inner monologue knows how dumb it sounds. Man, anxiety sucks.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: oh i can, um, come back later if that works better for you?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: yeah this was a bad idea. i’ll just go.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: JOHN WAIT.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: *SIGH*
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU SCARED ME THAT’S ALL. I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO HAVING A LITTLE ALONE TIME TODAY BUT I CAN ALWAYS CLEAR MY SCHEDULE FOR YOU.</span></p>
<p>The courage you once had comes seeping back into you. The conditions are perfect. He’s alone, which means you timed this well. Rose Lalonde is perhaps the only person who can pull Dave away from Karkat, and it just so happens it is her birthday today. She wanted a beta kid get together that you feel like a dirtbag for missing out on, but you can’t show your face to them. Not yet. </p>
<p>	You return your attention to the task at hand.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: really? 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: that means a lot, karkat.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: LISTEN JOHN. YOU’RE MY FRIEND. NO AMOUNT OF MOPING AROUND IN YOUR HOUSE ALL DAY FOR 5 YEARS AND NEVER REPLYING TO TEXTS OR ATTENDING GROUP EVENTS IS GOING TO CHANGE THAT.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: AND IF YOU SHOWED UP UNANNOUNCED AFTER ALL THIS TIME 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING. </span></p>
<p>You gulp. As terrible as your plan is, you need to go through with it, and it absolutely does not involve getting found out before you can say what you want to say. But you’ve been careful. There’s no way he knows yet. Unshaken, you continue to bluff.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: and that would be?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU NEED MY ADVICE.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WELL TAKE A SEAT EGBERT. YOU’RE HARDLY THE FIRST TO DARKEN MY DOOR IN YOUR TIME OF NEED.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I KNOW MATTERS OF THE HEART CAN BE DELICATE SO PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME AND-
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: pffffffhahahAHAHAHAHA </span></p>
<p>The sheer volume of your laugh catches your troll friend off guard. He shoots you a dirty look as he covers his ears.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: god haha i’m sorry i’m laughing so much but it’s just so funny you actually think i’m here for romantic advice.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: not that i blame you. for a while there i also thought that was the root of my troubles.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: like maybe i was just sad all of my friends were getting into romantic relationships except for me.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: AHEM.</span></p>
<p>Karkat folds his arms as he waits for you to correct yourself. You stifle a chuckle. These two are so cute.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: or uh, platonically cohabitational relationships in your case.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: CORRECT. 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THAT IS DEFINITELY ALL IT IS.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: right. 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: but like i was saying, i’m not here because of your romcom prowess.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE NOTICED BUT MY “ROMCOM PROWESS” IS THE ONLY REDEEMING QUALITY I HAVE LEFT.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: EVERYONE ELSE IS EITHER A GOD OR REVIVING MY ENTIRE SPECIES 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OR WHATEVER INANE BULLSHIT TEREZI IS UP TO.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I’M JUST BOOTLEG TROLL WILL SMITH FROM HITCH.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: don’t be so hard on yourself, karkat.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: you’re a good guy!</span></p>
<p>You slap him on the shoulder in the way that only someone who has forgotten how to interact with friends in person can. He nonetheless seems reassured by your bizarre and fake display of familiarity.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WHAT ARE YOU HERE FOR THEN? WHAT DO YOU NEED TO TELL ME?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: well.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: you’re actually the first one to find out about this, but...</span></p>
<p>This is it. The moment you’ve been waiting for. Step two of your delicate and labyrinthine two step plan. The hours upon hours of prep work are finally about to pay off. And just like you planned, the words come out nice and smooth. Mostly.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: i’m trans gender.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i’m a girl.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: ...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: surprise?</span></p>
<p>The word hangs in the air as, in a nearly unprecedented event, Karkat is left speechless. Your heart is sending your blood racing through your veins now. You did it. Your beautiful, terrible plan is complete.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: HUH.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: huh? 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YES, “HUH”
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IT’S AN ANCIENT ALTERNIAN PROVERB THAT MEANS “I AM LITERALLY THE LEAST EQUIPPED PERSON ON THIS PLANET TO BE PROCESSING THIS INFORMATION RIGHT NOW.”</span></p>
<p>He takes a seat on the couch, still deep in thought, and you follow, hearing a crunch as your butt crushes a few stray bits of popcorn. You are starting to think you should have planned a step three. You aren’t looking forward to having to justify yourself unscripted.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: i...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i know it must seem like it came out of nowhere and maybe you think i’m crazy but—
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: CALM YOUR TITS JOHN
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WAIT THAT’S A MALE HUMAN NAME ISN’T IT? HAVE YOU PICKED A FEMALE ONE?</span></p>
<p>Oh jeez, you were supposed to say that already. You guess the nerves did actually manage to mess up the way your little speech was supposed to go. </p>
<p>	This next part shouldn’t be hard. It was part of the plan in the first place. But with the moment passed, the words come out slower.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: um.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i was thinking...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: ........june?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: ALRIGHT. COOL.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: LIKE I WAS SAYING CALM YOUR TITS JUNE.</span></p>
<p>You can’t believe that is the first sentence anyone else has ever used your name in. I mean you don’t even really have—NOPE. You refuse to finish that thought right now.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I KNOW I’M AN ALIEN BUT I’VE BEEN AROUND YOUR KIND LONG ENOUGH TO REALIZE THIS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU JUST DON’T FUCK AROUND WITH
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IF YOU SAY YOU’RE A WOMAN NAMED JUNE YOU’RE A FUCKING WOMAN NAMED JUNE.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: awwwwwwww.</span></p>
<p>You feel a little twinge of relief as you hear exactly what you needed to hear. You can feel the goosebumps come and go on your arms as Karkat continues to sit there with a look of mild consternation.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="john"> JUNE: so why do you look so hesitant?</span>
</p>
<p>	He puts his hands together and rests them on his face as he tries to compose the words. He stands back up and starts to pace a bit, which should make you nervous, but instead seems wholesome, as if he’s trying to get this right for your sake.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I’M, 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WOW. 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: UM. 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I’M HONORED? I GUESS???
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THAT YOU TRUST ME ENOUGH TO TELL ME ABOUT THIS.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT, NO OFFENSE, JUNE
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BY WHICH I OF COURSE MEAN NO OFFENSE TO ME.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT WHY ON EARTH-C AM I THE *FIRST* PERSON YOU WANTED TO TELL?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED TELLING, OH I DON’T KNOW, LITERALLY EVERY OTHER ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT IS STILL BREATHING??
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I MEAN SERIOUSLY, THOSE BRAINDEAD FUCKING SALAMANDER NEIGHBORS OF YOURS WOULD MAKE A BETTER AUDIENCE FOR THIS THAN I WOULD.</span></p>
<p>Little does he know, he has already answered his own question.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: you know what, karkat?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: you’re right.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: o:B
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: and that’s EXACTLY why you had to be the first one.</span></p>
<p>He just stands there, unblinking, with the same mildly peeved look he might give you if you told him that Troll Nicholas Sparks movies are overrated.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO REWIND THAT TAPE FOR ME JUNE.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I AM ONE HUNDRED PERCENT LOST RIGHT NOW.</span></p>
<p>The reason is convoluted, which even you are self-aware enough to grasp. All the tossing and turning you did in your bed, holing yourself up in your room even more than usual, gave you way too much time to overanalyze how you would finally express yourself to your friends. The perfect coming out scenario seemed like it was in front of you, but no matter how far you ran, it was always just out of reach.</p>
<p>	So you decided to walk backward.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: i’ve been so worried about getting this right. 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: worried that i’ll blow my only shot at being open and introspective for once.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: there’s so much pressure for this to go perfectly!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: AND THE PERFECT SCENARIO IS TELLING ME?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: oh god no.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i’m not THAT dumb.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: you said it yourself, you’re the worst friend i could tell.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WOW REALLY JUNE?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I’D SAY THIS IS THE ANGRIEST I’VE EVER BEEN TO HAVE SOMEONE AGREE WITH ME BUT</span></p>
<p>He stops to breathe and you can almost see the rage leaking out of him. He sighs.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT THIS PROBABLY DOESN’T EVEN CRACK THE TOP TEN.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: ANYWAY, I’LL TAKE THIS BAIT, WHY AREN’T YOU TELLING ANYONE ELSE?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THERE’S BETTER PEOPLE IN *THIS HOUSE* FOR YOU TO HAVE A COMING OUT PARTY WITH.</span></p>
<p>He means Dave of course, but Dave couldn’t be the first to know. You couldn’t tell any of your friends but Karkat. And why not? Because everyone else actually makes sense to talk to. </p>
<p>	Dave, Rose, Jade, Roxy, Terezi, and the rest, they each had a compelling argument as to who should be the first to find out. You even considered sending a bunch of letters simultaneously. But those ideas were too sensical, too logical. Too good. Whenever you tried to commit to one, you’d be wracked with guilt, wondering if one of the alternatives was better. That uncertainty gnawed at you for weeks until you finally snapped. You realized that the only way out was to embrace failure.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: it wouldn’t have worked. 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: just trust me.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SO WHY ME? 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OR, AT LEAST, WHY NOT *NOT* ME?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: well you’re my friend! 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: but we don’t interact much without dave around.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU DON’T INTERACT MUCH PERIOD.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i’m working on it!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: but you’re also from an alien society that for all i know has a completely different relationship to gender.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: when people find out you were the first one i told they’re gonna think it was a crazy bad idea!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THIS HELPS YOU HOW???
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: because it’s the IDEA that’s bad.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: by coming here at all, i’ve failed before i could even begin.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SO? </span></p>
<p>You grin and push your glasses up on your face. Your eyes light up as you revel in your masterstroke of stupidity.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: so now i can’t fail!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: because i already did!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: zero possibility for success means zero pressure to succeed.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: so the actual telling you part was a piece of cake, just like i planned.</span></p>
<p>As you bask in the glow of explaining your awful machinations, you expect Karkat to roll his eyes and groan. Instead the look on his face seems almost proud.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WOW, JUNE.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: PERSONAL SALVATION THROUGH MEANINGLESS SELF-SABOTAGE?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SOUNDS LIKE YOU GRADUATED FROM THE VANTAS SCHOOL OF THRILLINGLY OBTUSE COPING MECHANISMS.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU’LL GET YOUR DIPLOMA IN THE MAIL IN 6 TO 8 SWEEPS.</span></p>
<p>He smiles a rare genuine smile as he shakes his head, and you smile back. He sits back down next to you on the couch, and his hand glances off of yours, your first contact with another person in what must be months.</p>
<p>	To your surprise, he doesn’t pull his hand back. Karkat must have acclimated to this kind of casual contact after all the years of living with Dave. You take comfort knowing you aren’t the only one who has changed. </p>
<p>	He speaks up after seeming to reminisce for a bit.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: GOD WE ARE BOTH SO MONUMENTALLY IDIOTIC.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: heheh.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: and hey, it worked, didn’t it?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i didn’t run away or have a panic attack or anything.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I’M GLAD IT WENT SO WELL FOR YOU 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT THIS IS JUST COMING ACROSS LIKE YOU TOLD ME AS A PRACTICE RUN BECAUSE YOU CARE THE LEAST IF *OUR* FRIENDSHIP IS DESTROYED.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: aww don’t beat yourself up like that!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: if anything i was the most confident our friendship would last through this.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: REALLY?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: yeah!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: we’ve been through more awkward situations than that.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: hell, remember the first time you talked to me?</span></p>
<p>Karkat grabs the bridge of his nose, clearly sensing a headache coming on.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I WAS HOPING THAT PARTICULAR MEMORY ROTTED AWAY DURING YOUR SELF IMPOSED HOUSE ARREST.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: hey karkat, that reminds me, wanna hear something funny?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IF THAT “REMINDS YOU” THEN HELL THE FUCK NO JUNE I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: well i’m a girl.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: and i’m attracted to girls.</span></p>
<p>The smirk on your face right now could outshine the green sun with its sheer gumption. Karkat has already closed his eyes in anticipation.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: so guess what?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OH GOD STOP I WAS 6 SWEEPS OLD HAVE SOME MERCY!
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: as it turns out...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i AM a homosexual!</span></p>
<p>Karkat grabs a pillow and buries his face in it in such a swift fashion it seems like an instinct, as if his very survival hinged on nobody seeing him get embarrassed. It’s amusing, the way he kicks his stubby legs around when he gets like this. After a few outsized groans, he finally lifts his head.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: AUGHHHGHGGHGHHWAIT A SECOND IS THAT HOW THAT WORKS?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: yep!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: DAMN. ALL THESE OLD EARTH LABELS ARE CONFUSING.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THIS IS WHY THE QUADRANT SYSTEM IS THE SUPERIOR ROMANTIC FRAMEWORK.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: sure, sure.</span></p>
<p>Things go quiet for a bit. You glance at the TV screen, still playing that shitty Alternian romcom. The two of you watch in silence as Troll Tom Hanks and Troll Meg Ryan start another argument, each unaware that the other is the person they fell in love with over Trollian. The plot seems especially contrived given the way trolls type in their blood colors, which really seems to limit how secret an online identity can be.</p>
<p>	To your surprise, Karkat breaks the silence first. His voice is almost quiet.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SO IS THAT IT? 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IS THAT REALLY ALL YOU CAME HERE TO DO?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: GLOAT ABOUT YOUR NEWFOUND HOMOSEXUALITY?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: what do you mean?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: DO YOU...
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?</span></p>
<p>You’ve never seen Karkat with this serious of a look on his face. Even when doling out sincere romantic advice, he always gives off the impression that it’s beneath him, like he’s being forced into it. But now he’s staring you directly in the eyes. No grumpy arc to his eyebrows. No ridiculous frown. He reaches out to touch your forearm, and holds onto you more fervently than you expect.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I DON’T MEAN TO PUSH YOU INTO ANYTHING YOU DON’T WANT TO DO
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: AND I KNOW I MIGHT NOT BE THE MOST HELP WITH THIS GENDER BUSINESS
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT I WAS THINKING 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WE COULD TRY ANYWAY?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THERE’S NO WAY YOU FEEL READY TO TALK TO ANYONE ELSE YET, GIVEN THE WAY YOU TWISTED YOUR LOGIC INTO A FUCKING DOUGHSPIRAL TO AVOID THEM.</span></p>
<p>He has a point. You can’t bring yourself to admit it, but he does. You have no plan for who to tell next, or even what to do next. Having someone to talk to would really help. But there’s something going unsaid here. There’s a real force behind Karkat’s words now that you don’t understand.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: i mean i’d love to, and you’re right that i’m scared to tell more people...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: but where is this all coming from?</span></p>
<p>A pause. Karkat pulls his hand back into his own lap.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I THINK</span>
</p>
<p>	Another pause. He pulls his knees up to his chest and looks down. </p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I THINK I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.</span>
</p>
<p>	Now THAT blindsides you. The reason you’re here in the first place is that Karkat should relate to your situation the least out of anyone. What could he have gone through that’s even remotely similar?</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: how i feel?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: are you saying you—
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: NO JUNE, I’M NOT TRANS.</span></p>
<p>There goes your only guess.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT STOP ME IF I’M WRONG.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE EVEN THOUGH LITERALLY NOBODY CARES?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: ...
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU HATE YOURSELF FOR THINKING THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TO YOU WHILE AT THE SAME TIME LAMENTING THAT IT’S SO IMPORTANT TO EVERYONE ELSE?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: how...
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YOU WISH YOUR FRIENDS WOULD JUST START GUESSING WHAT YOUR DEAL IS, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME FEARING THAT THEY WILL FIND OUT BEFORE YOU’RE READY?</span></p>
<p>If you didn’t know any better you’d think he could read your mind.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: that’s. 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: that’s it exactly.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: karkat. how the fuck do you know all this?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO HAVE TO HIDE WHO I AM ON THE INSIDE</span></p>
<p>He is almost mumbling. You didn’t think Karkat could mumble.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OR TECHNICALLY
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: WHAT I HAVE ON THE INSIDE.</span></p>
<p>You finally realize what he’s talking about. To you, it’s something so trivial that you don’t even remember where you first learned it. But to him, it’s something that defined his entire life.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="john"> JUNE: your blood.</span>
</p>
<p>	Karkat nods. He can’t stand to look at you as the story starts to fall out of his mouth. How he got one tiny cut when he was barely out of the Brooding Caverns and instantly knew he’d spend his whole life hiding. How crying a single tear could get him culled. How he wanted so desperately to be normal, or to at least not be alone. How much it meant to him when he found out his session’s Jack Noir was the same way. How much it hurt when the rest of his friends went though with their plan to exile the guy anyway. And how devastating it was when his dreamself finally awoke, only for your universe’s Jack Noir to leave him bleeding his filthy, disgusting, candy-red, mutant blood as Prospit was destroyed.</p>
<p>	The tears you let out surprise even you. It’s only one or two, and you feel a strange guilt you aren’t crying more, but it’s the first time you’ve cried in a very long time.</p>
<p>	His story finished, Karkat finally turns to look at you. You want to thank him for telling you something so personal, but there’s a part of his story he skipped that you need to know about. You can’t stop yourself from asking the question.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: so, um, if you don’t mind me asking...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: who was the first person you told? 
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: about your blood color, i mean.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: UM</span></p>
<p>He returns his gaze forward, twiddling his thumbs nervously.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IT MIGHT TECHNICALLY BE YOU?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: wait, what?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: DON’T MISUNDERSTAND, LITERALLY EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT IT WASN’T SOMETHING I TOLD PEOPLE.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THEY JUST ALL *FOUND OUT* EVENTUALLY BECAUSE I’M THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT IN ALL OF PARADOX SPACE AT KEEPING SECRETS.</span></p>
<p>You piece it together. You came here to come out to Karkat, but he just hit you with a reverse retroactive coming out reacharound. You should feel honored, but you have too many questions.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: what held you back from telling people?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i get that it was a bad idea on your old planet, but why not now?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: none of your friends care anymore!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: HA. SOUNDS PRETTY FUCKING FAMILIAR DOESN’T IT?
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: TELL ME JUNE, HOW MANY OF OUR FRIENDS HONESTLY GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOUR GENDER IS?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: that’s not the s—
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: okay yeah that’s actually super the same.</span></p>
<p>You laugh to yourself. Your worries haven’t gone away yet, but in this moment, from afar, they do seem rather silly.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: well jeez, you’ve already helped me way more than i thought you would, karkat!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: GEE, THANKS FOR THE GLOWING FUCKING ENDORSEMENT, JUNE.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: any last pieces of advice?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i’d really like to hear them!</span></p>
<p>The troll hangs his head, like he’s ashamed of what he has to say.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE ANY PROFOUND WISDOMS I LEARNED IN MY STAY IN THE BLOOD COLOR CLOSET, JUNE.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IN FACT ALL I’VE GOT IS INSULTINGLY FACILE.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i don’t care how stupid it is.</span></p>
<p>You put a hand on his shoulder, wanting to make completely sure he understands your sincerity.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="john"> JUNE: tell me anyway.
</span>
</p>
<p>	He takes a deep, deep breath, the kind he takes before only the most long-winded and profane of his signature rants. But his words come out softer and gentler than you’ve ever heard him before.</p>
<p class="block"> <span class="karkat"> KARKAT: JUST</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: TELL YOUR FRIENDS. 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: TELL THEM ON YOUR OWN TERMS, AND AT YOUR OWN PACE
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: BUT *TELL* THEM. DON’T JUST LET THEM FIND OUT.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: OTHERWISE THAT UNCERTAINTY ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL STARTS TO FESTER.</span></p>
<p>You smile. You’re starting to understand why the other trolls looked to Karkat as a leader: when his heart is in it, he gives one hell of an inspiring speech.</p>
<p>	Thinking a salute would be too weird, you settle for a smile and a nod.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="john"> JUNE: i will, karkat.</span>
</p>
<p>	The two of you sit there quietly after that, watching the movie play out, content to just have each other’s company for a bit. You share what little of the popcorn was still in the bowl after you scared him and watch through to the credits. The DVD menu loops a few times before either of you speak.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SO.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THINK YOU’RE READY TO TELL MORE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: haha not quite yet.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: but i’m a lot closer than i thought i’d be after telling you.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: IN THAT CASE YOU BETTER GET GOING SOON.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: DAVE’LL BE BACK ANY MINUTE.</span></p>
<p>You both stand up. As well as your terrible plan went, you are not ready to tell Strider yet. You want to walk towards the door and find your way back home, but you stop and turn to your friend.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="john"> JUNE: so. before i go...
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YEAH?
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i just wanted to say that.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: i’m really glad i talked to you first.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: this actually ended up being a really solid idea!
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: I KNOW THAT WASN’T YOUR PLAN
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: SO I’M SORRY IF I DISAPPOINTED YOU.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: heh.
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: ...
</span><br/>
<span class="john"> JUNE: thank you karkat.
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: YEAH. 
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat"> KARKAT: THANKS, JUNE.</span></p>
<p>You start to turn away, but something in Karkat’s eyes compels you to stop. It’s hard to notice in the dim lighting, but his cheeks are filled with just a hint of red. The most emotionally repressed person you know just shared a moment with you, and he actually let you see him blushing. Like hell you’re gonna leave without giving that friend a nice, big hug.</p>
<p>	Karkat feebly flops his arms around in resistance at first, but as you maintain pressure, he slows down, before finally wrapping his arms around you. The warmth surrounds you, a fledgling trans girl and a grizzled former outcaste, as you share the joy of finally telling someone you trust.</p>
<p>	You have no idea how long you’ve been holding the hug when you hear the front door open, as the other man of the house makes his return.</p>
<p class="block"><span class="dave"> DAVE: hope youve been keeping that lap warm babe 
</span><br/>
<span class="dave"> DAVE: cause ya bois gonna need some serious platonic cuddle action after that fuckin disaster of a party</span></p>
<p>He’s still just around the corner. He has to make it through the kitchen before he can see you. You know you should scram, drop the hug, retcon zap yourself out, do SOMETHING to get out of this situation, but your body feels locked in place. You aren’t ready to tell him yet, so why can’t you leave?</p>
<p class="block"><span class="dave"> DAVE: egbert ditched again which shouldnt be news but come on man
</span><br/>
<span class="dave"> DAVE: next time i see that depressed dork remind me to give him a piece of my—</span></p>
<p>He rounds the corner and sees the two of you, still locked in a tight embrace. He stops. You lift your eyes from the hug to look directly at his shades. For what you assume are ironic reasons, he’s wearing a party hat around his nose and mouth like a beak. </p>
<p>	You don’t say anything. You can’t.</p>
<p class="block">
  <span class="dave"> DAVE: john 
</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>To be continued in a separate fic!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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